After 15 years, five published books, a must-read newspaper column and many social media threads dedicated to ‘outing’ him, The Secret Footballer has finally been revealed.
At one point during the height of his popularity, there was even a website ‘Who Is the Secret Footballer’ which assembled all the clues from the weekly dispatches behind the scenes of professional football to try to find out who was behind ‘TSF’.
His articles would pull back the curtain on the "billion-dollar circus" that is elite football, with key themes including agents, dressing room politics and the industry’s cynicism.
While many former footballers now have their own podcasts and column inches, this was ground-breaking insight at the time.
Many football fans of a certain age will likely know his identity, but former Reading, Stoke City, Sheffield United and Portsmouth striker Dave Kitson has finally confirmed it publicly and says: “I wasn’t happy with where football was going and I needed an outlet to express it for my own mental health.”
Kitson, now a leading motivational speaker, has finally decided to come clean and has provided details into why his career took the turn it did towards writing best-selling novels and intriguing articles, both before and after he hung up his boots.
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While some chase the dream of being a footballer, it was a profession that found Kitson instead.
“I never set out to be a footballer. It was one of those things that just happened,” Kitson said. “I wanted to be a travel writer. I wanted to get around the world and have someone pay me to do it. So, I fell into football.”
Kitson went on to make 81 appearances in the Premier League, scoring 15 goals in that time. In his overall career, the 46-year-old made 403 appearances for seven different clubs, scoring 115 times with 30 assists to his name.
While being a footballer may be a dream for some, that doesn’t mean it’s perfect. That’s where The Secret Footballer came in for Kitson, as a way to vent about the misgivings of the industry.
"I am The Secret Footballer. I’ve never said that out loud before,” Kitson revealed after 15 years of mystery. “It was an idea that came to me when I wasn’t happy with where football was going and I needed an outlet to express it for my own mental health.
“I’ve been writing since I was a kid. It’s a passion. As I said, I wanted to be a travel writer. The writing was cathartic. It helped me process what was going on in football.”
It was an initial release for Kitson, but eventually, the pressure began to build up as more and more was wanted from him.
Kitson added: “It started as something that wasn’t about naming names. It was about explaining what happens in the industry and why.
“I would write and leave people to form their own opinions. It was fun for a while, then it bred huge anxiety. I had a career and a big contract. If I’d been outed, I would have been sacked and ostracised. Now everyone has a podcast and an outlet. Back then, it was genuinely new.
“It changed football in this country and led to overhauls at the highest levels, which I’m proud of. But the stress and anxiety were immense.”
It wasn’t just the frustrations around the “circus” in football that was discussed by Kitson as The Secret Footballer. Mental health was a prominent point that the former striker tried to get across, but there is a feeling of frustration that he didn’t speak out sooner.
Kitson has admitted: “The worst thing that happened was when I wrote a column about mental health called Sometimes There’s Darkness Behind the Light.
“Nobody talked about mental health in football then. If you spoke about it, you were seen as weak. I said there was a mental health epidemic and I predicted it was only a matter of time before someone took their own life.
“I submitted it on Friday. It went out Saturday. On Sunday, Gary Speed was found dead. That’s when the Secret Footballer stopped being fun.
“It gave the column credibility in the worst possible way. I struggled with guilt for a long time that I hadn’t written it earlier. I became angry at the authorities for being passive.
“Things have improved since, but that tragedy was horrendous. Not long after, I stopped writing and disappeared.”
TSF’s written work over the years has captured the attention of football supporters across the country, therefore Kitson’s closing statement is one that many may feel shocked by.
“One piece of advice to my younger self: don’t write those books,” he finished. “They were fun and helped me mentally, but people always want more of you. Whatever you give is never enough.
“You give pieces of your soul to people. You’re either the type who can survive that or you struggle. I know a lot who have struggled and wish they’d never done it. I’m glad I played football. It shaped me. Would I miss it if I hadn’t done it? Probably not.”